Author: Steve Antipolo

I shared this philosophy of mine the other day with a friend and firmly believe if we all thought this way we could live happier, more fulfilled lives.

All of us throughout life have ups and downs. Some of those are so huge we have real trouble with them. These life experiences are relative to the general level of experiences we have had. What might be devastating for one person is a minor blimp in the life of someone else but, to both, the impact of ‘their’ big one is life long.

Thinking of some examples:

 

• A harsh childhood with bullying and depression
• A relationship which went wrong
• A lost job
• An illness
• The death of someone special
• A bad accident
• Money worries
• Unexpected parenthood
• Being thrust into a Caring role
• Rejection

These and many more are life changers for many. Some might experience just one or two of these, others might experience them all. As it happens, I got the full list and then some and several of them many times over.

All or any of these can be devastating at the time but, what we do with them when they become memories defines us.

Do we wallow in self pity or hide away in an attempt to protect ourselves? Do we allow paranoia to settle in and consume us? Do we never take any chances ‘just in case’?

Well, no, I don’t think we should stop living to the full because of any of those. What we can do is accept that those experiences have defined us, made us who we are now but, who we want to be, that’s a choice. I would rather take a similar risk over and over because the theory was still correct than never take that chance again.

Of course, we’d be fools if we didn’t learn from the past but, only blame yourself for the things you actually had control over. If someone cheats on you then ‘they’ cheated on you, no one else. You cannot change them, that’s their personality to live with. If you allowed it to go on too long well, that you can change, next time, wake up and smell the coffee!

We cannot change the death of a loved one, we can only grow from it. Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost but celebrate what you learnt from them and use it. If you learnt to love then you know you can love, don’t run away from that, embrace it.

As people we’ve no choice but to keep moving forward, right until our last breath we can and should make choices. If we were sad when someone died then, make the last times with those special to you about the future, not the past. But, before we get to our death bed remember, we get one shot at this, make it count!

We are the sum of our experiences so, stop making excuses, go get some experiences. The more we do in life, the more we explore our abilities and desires the more we are better able to deal with the things life might throw at us. If we have negative experiences then, make sure your mind has some positive experiences to compensate.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. No one can ever honestly say the entirety of a relationship was bad when it all goes wrong. There will have been good times so, don’t try to paint those black. Glory in those good times, they were real at the time, you felt it, you were happy, hold on to them.

In short, embrace your entire life, good or bad. Don’t be afraid to enjoy life to the full when it’s good and don’t let your life come to a stop when the shit hit the fan.

You cannot smile every day of your life, no one can do that and mean it. You can though smile about your life in the past and about the mystery of what isn’t yet written.

Life is one great adventure, don’t miss the boat!

Some arse starts smoking weed just outside my house, I detest stoners!

Anyway, as I was going to say … the past few weeks have been stupidly stressful. Our Zoey, bless her, has become very difficult to manage. We’ve been able to work out it is a behaviour thing, not an illness or anything which can be easily treated. She has become increasingly and dangerously stubborn.

Now, I don’t much mind if she wants to laze around all day, she’s never going to have a job, she’s got no real responsibilities and so on which means, she’s a little like someone that retired. That’s not the issue, she’s got it in her head now that eating and personal hygiene are optional and, more often than not, she does neither. She is borderline underweight now, just a couple of pounds in it.

 

Today we had a huge kick off because I tried to force the issue on her getting clean. I got kicked and slapped and she tried to bite me at one point. She’d gone three days without anything close to a wash and was smelling awful, I’d go as far to say disgusting. Eventually Daisy was able to take over and force the issue better than me and get her clean. Doing so she discovered Zoey had obviously come on some time ago and hadn’t used any sanitary products.

Someone is having to sit with her for up to two hours to ensure she eats at all.

For weeks she’s been ignorant and rude to everyone, no one is spared. She’s happy enough to talk about trivia that doesn’t matter but, try and get her to do something essential to her well being and she plays dumb and she is playing at it.

She wasn’t any better when she stayed with her mum and certainly no better when she stayed with Matt & Anne.

Right now it’s almost midnight. It’s a hot night so doors are being left open and Zoey is throwing a tantrum because she’s been asked not to watch any more movies in her room tonight.

I had to take a break from writing this as things escalated.

Zoey started to get very violent and attacked Daisy so I had to restrain her, it wasn’t at all pleasant.

Am at a loss to know what to do. It was obvious Zoey was going out of her way to wake the boys, she failed thankfully. Seeing how unpredictable she is at the moment the boys have been taken into Sean & Daisy’s room with them for this night for their safety.

It’s like Jermaine all over again and even all these years later, I don’t believe we’ve recovered to the point we can handle all that again.

So tired!

Tomorrow might be the first time in weeks I don’t get to speak to Dennis 🙁

I am off first on a bike ride and then over at Abington Park for the concert at the bandstand. Dennis is scaring the life out of me riding the back of a bike who knows how many miles to a baptism and there’s likely no service there (phone) to let me know he got there OK so I’ll just like worry all day! On the plus side, he should be home before I go to bed and, if he remembers, can let me know then he got home OK.

Dressed up in my suit on Friday for a wedding … I remember looking good in that thing yet now I look like a fatty wearing my suit!

I got a nutribullet now and I ain’t afraid to use it!

Loved the wedding car …

Am off to bed now, cheers everyone

I’ve got a few years before I retire, at least 13 anyway (is that all?) and it seems obvious to me that retiring abroad makes more sense than remaining in the UK.

Our minimum state pension changes next year and is promised to be at least £150 a week, possibly more, who knows yet, we shall find out next season. That £650 or so a month, not a great deal in this wonderful country of ours.But, that’s the UK. If we retire to the Philippines that money suddenly look attractive. With monthly wages there something not to far removed from £276 a month suddenly £650 looks very healthy indeed. On top of that, the Philippines just happens to be an indexed country which means that the rate of pension rises with inflation rather than being frozen as it is in so many other countries.

Frustratingly, me and Dennis will have hopefully, and maybe (he’s not asked yet) enjoyed many years of marriage to discover we have no legal status over there, that’s quite a big deal to me.

We’ll know and I guess that is the main thing of course. Who knows, by then a miracle might happen and they recognise same sex relationships but, I can’t see that happening.

I guess it’s just something to consider anyway.