Category: Uncategorized

No, June I mean, not my waistline!

Amazingly, though it only seems a short while since I was here at this time of year last year, well, on historical terms, it was, but no … I mean, this time last year I was getting all hot and sweaty in Gran Canaria, having fun, getting drunk, starting the beginning of the end of my relationship and all that, it was a year ago.

Now, I am fast approaching 42 which I don’t mind, it’s not old (unless I drop dead at 45 of course) so, well, it’s just another birthday and I do so love birthdays (not)

I have been told that I must get plenty of sleep on Friday, I am scared, I think I should be ‘very’ scared! So, just to cover myself I intend to have a lay in tomorrow, a nice long one, I may not get up until lunch time and the phone will be removed from my room! I need my beauty sleep, not that I have long enough to sleep to do anything at all for my beauty but what the hell, when I am in bed, no one is looking!

So, enough of the rhetorical nonsense, what of the excitement that was June 1st?

Hmmm, one of ‘those’ days when I never quite do what I had planned to do which was, in this case, totally nothing except sleep!

I forgot I had a meeting with someone from social services, someone called Allison who was here to do a financial assessment to see how much I have to pay for the services Jermaine may or may not get in the future. It turns out the whole system is screwed, like that’s a shock!

Now get this, the well off get more discount on the service cost, why? Well, whereas I shall find the cheapest way to provide what Jermaine needs, the well off will go to Harrods to get it. I claim it costs me £20 a year to buy new sheets for him and they claim it costs £90, the same amount of sheets but, and this is the bummer, they get an extra £70 knocked off how much they have to pay for services because their outgoings are more!

I suggested maybe I could just match those sorts of prices as a theoretical experiment but, this is not allowed, we have to strictly stick to the facts, we can’t go making things up just because it suits us. Fair enough I hear you say, but wait!

Jermaine doesn’t get income support yet; I have avoided it as we will be a lot worse off when he does. But, the assessment team says he does because it is easier and it suits their needs!

So, they can make up any shit they like and I have to stick to the facts. This means, I end up maxing out on pay outs for services whilst the better off get it for free or thereabouts. The whole darn system is screwed I tell you!

I have not really had a lot happen over the past few days, not anything worth telling about anyway.

I have needed to get something off my chest to someone so I have done that and I feel better for it regardless of any possible consequences, I just don’t care anymore!

My 42nd birthday looms ever closer and I am just a little apprehensive about it not knowing what is going to happen and, because I am not arranging it, I almost feel obligated to enjoy myself regardless of whether or not I actually do! Maybe next year I should arrange my own birthday celebrations.

Having Jermaine in respite for only 6 hours a day is pointless, it isn’t enough to do anything meaningful at all but we are trying all the same.

Still hoping I can get us off to GC but had the most awful thoughts about it last night. I was wondering how well the other gay guys are going to take me having kids with me at the bars? Will we be picked on negatively by the drag queens or will they just accept us as we are? I had visions of being asked to leave because guys were feeling awkward. I just so hope that is not going to happen.

I also had another nightmare in which I believed we had another part to this house, quite a nice extra area downstairs where there were a few extra bedrooms, two of them were en suite. This is not the first time I have had that particular vision, sometimes it is a good dream and others, like last night, a nightmare. I wish I knew where it was. Is it somewhere I have been or somewhere I am yet to go? In last nights dream there was a connecting door to this area of the house and when I tried to push it open I felt some resistance like someone was pushing it from the other side. This actually seemed quite amusing at the time. I thought how oddly like someone pushing the door closed this felt though knowing it must just be the way the door was. So, wanting to share this humour I went and fetched Matt and together we pushed the door which was then pushed so hard back there was no doubt there was someone behind it silently preventing our entry and then I got real scared! Dreams eh?

I have not really had a lot happen over the past few days, not anything worth telling about anyway.

I have needed to get something off my chest to someone so I have done that and I feel better for it regardless of any possible consequences, I just don’t care anymore!

My 42nd birthday looms ever closer and I am just a little apprehensive about it not knowing what is going to happen and, because I am not arranging it, I almost feel obligated to enjoy myself regardless of whether or not I actually do! Maybe next year I should arrange my own birthday celebrations.

Having Jermaine in respite for only 6 hours a day is pointless, it isn’t enough to do anything meaningful at all but we are trying all the same.

Still hoping I can get us off to GC but had the most awful thoughts about it last night. I was wondering how well the other gay guys are going to take me having kids with me at the bars? Will we be picked on negatively by the drag queens or will they just accept us as we are? I had visions of being asked to leave because guys were feeling awkward. I just so hope that is not going to happen.

I also had another nightmare in which I believed we had another part to this house, quite a nice extra area downstairs where there were a few extra bedrooms, two of them were en suite. This is not the first time I have had that particular vision, sometimes it is a good dream and others, like last night, a nightmare. I wish I knew where it was. Is it somewhere I have been or somewhere I am yet to go? In last nights dream there was a connecting door to this area of the house and when I tried to push it open I felt some resistance like someone was pushing it from the other side. This actually seemed quite amusing at the time. I thought how oddly like someone pushing the door closed this felt though knowing it must just be the way the door was. So, wanting to share this humour I went and fetched Matt and together we pushed the door which was then pushed so hard back there was no doubt there was someone behind it silently preventing our entry and then I got real scared! Dreams eh?

Today I met someone for the first time, I loved it, it was wonderful, I’m not saying any more!

I also popped into see David & Greg and had some tea with them and sat there watching the Orient Express puff into the station.

I spent most of the travel time listening to Coldplay on my Ipod, I am not sure why I have not listened to them much before, they are really good.