HWA

It seems that my current spate of shit is still being thrust against me … my windscreen was blown apart earlier on the way home from Ian & Richard’s by a low flying pheasant. My RAC cover had expired but they’d not bothered sending out a reminder so how I was I meant to know? This meant I had to drive looking through this shattered screen for 24 miles hoping it didn’t collapse in on me.

On getting home I had to buy myself a recovery package to make sure I don’t get caught out again which is £60 and I still need to find the excess for the screen replacement.

I was so pleased with myself for someone actually showing gratitude with cash for some favour I did, it seemed like I was getting a little reward and it was sweet. But, that and more is gone now, what is given with hand is taken away with interest from the other.

Because of my recent bought of terrible luck I am now reluctant to go anywhere in the car, it just costs me more and more. I still have to find the money for the repairs, way more money going out than is coming in.

My mind is now in doom mode, I am just expecting more stuff to happen, it’s like I am just having more and more shit piles high and I just can’t see any reasoning to it. I mean, what’s the point? I am sure I have proved over and over that I can recover from these situations, it’s not news anymore and everyone expects me to … maybe I am not meant to, maybe I am being pushed for the benefit of someone else? None of it makes sense anyway.

In the back of my mind I wonder whether I am getting this just so as I can appreciate the lottery win all the more but that ain’t gonna happen. There is no flip side to what’s happening, it’s just bad on bad.

Had a fairly good time with Jermaine Saturday, got some smiles but it’s still really sad. His room stinks of piss, his hair has not been cut in months, he has not had a shave, his teeth are still broken and they just won’t do any of the things I am asking of them there and finding somewhere else is just taking so long.

Getting myself upbeat for Christmas is going to take some doing for sure!

It seems that my current spate of shit is still being thrust against me … my windscreen was blown apart earlier on the way home from Ian & Richard’s by a low flying pheasant. My RAC cover had expired but they’d not bothered sending out a reminder so how I was I meant to know? This meant I had to drive looking through this shattered screen for 24 miles hoping it didn’t collapse in on me.

On getting home I had to buy myself a recovery package to make sure I don’t get caught out again which is £60 and I still need to find the excess for the screen replacement.

I was so pleased with myself for someone actually showing gratitude with cash for some favour I did, it seemed like I was getting a little reward and it was sweet. But, that and more is gone now, what is given with hand is taken away with interest from the other.

Because of my recent bought of terrible luck I am now reluctant to go anywhere in the car, it just costs me more and more. I still have to find the money for the repairs, way more money going out than is coming in.

My mind is now in doom mode, I am just expecting more stuff to happen, it’s like I am just having more and more shit piles high and I just can’t see any reasoning to it. I mean, what’s the point? I am sure I have proved over and over that I can recover from these situations, it’s not news anymore and everyone expects me to … maybe I am not meant to, maybe I am being pushed for the benefit of someone else? None of it makes sense anyway.

In the back of my mind I wonder whether I am getting this just so as I can appreciate the lottery win all the more but that ain’t gonna happen. There is no flip side to what’s happening, it’s just bad on bad.

Had a fairly good time with Jermaine Saturday, got some smiles but it’s still really sad. His room stinks of piss, his hair has not been cut in months, he has not had a shave, his teeth are still broken and they just won’t do any of the things I am asking of them there and finding somewhere else is just taking so long.

Getting myself upbeat for Christmas is going to take some doing for sure!

In a recent course I was taught the importance of saying NO! The thing is, it only works if I say no to people that can afford to have me say no to them.

So, I say yes and I make adjustments to my life to compensate for what I have given away either in time, financially or emotionally.

The best reward for what I do is to have peeps say I am appreciated, to be there when I am in need and just go that extra mile now and then even though it may mean they go without something to do so.

It hardly ever happens of course, being a good guy sometimes just sucks.

I spent a lot this year on gifts confident I had the money. What I didn’t know was that I was about to get my car clobbered and that a fault would develop with the engine and together they would cost me £400 I didn’t have.

For years I have run a group for gay dads, given up a lot of time and helped loads of guys out behind the scenes but what thanks do I get? Nope, someone that very easily opens his house once every few weeks to guys that can easily get there is told how wonderful he is, his praises are sung, rightly so as it’s a great thing to do but I am one of those unsung guys that no one notices. I just do the boring stuff, like the site just runs itself and no other effort has to be made. It matters not … hell, yes it does, it’s a thankless task doing for others without so much as a thank you.

Right now I am actually considering getting rid of my car. I am not thinking it because I can’t afford to run it, I probably can but what I can’t have, when I am emotionally stressed, is to get such huge bills. Using public transport would be better, so would walking, I can get Tesco to deliver and for those moments when I really need a car, I can rent one. I then don’t have to worry about each screech of brakes outside, each little warning light, it’s not my problem. It also makes saying no a whole lot easier … “I don’t have a car, sorry”

I probably won’t of course, it’s just words and a symptom of my current depression.

In a recent course I was taught the importance of saying NO! The thing is, it only works if I say no to people that can afford to have me say no to them.

So, I say yes and I make adjustments to my life to compensate for what I have given away either in time, financially or emotionally.

The best reward for what I do is to have peeps say I am appreciated, to be there when I am in need and just go that extra mile now and then even though it may mean they go without something to do so.

It hardly ever happens of course, being a good guy sometimes just sucks.

I spent a lot this year on gifts confident I had the money. What I didn’t know was that I was about to get my car clobbered and that a fault would develop with the engine and together they would cost me £400 I didn’t have.

For years I have run a group for gay dads, given up a lot of time and helped loads of guys out behind the scenes but what thanks do I get? Nope, someone that very easily opens his house once every few weeks to guys that can easily get there is told how wonderful he is, his praises are sung, rightly so as it’s a great thing to do but I am one of those unsung guys that no one notices. I just do the boring stuff, like the site just runs itself and no other effort has to be made. It matters not … hell, yes it does, it’s a thankless task doing for others without so much as a thank you.

Right now I am actually considering getting rid of my car. I am not thinking it because I can’t afford to run it, I probably can but what I can’t have, when I am emotionally stressed, is to get such huge bills. Using public transport would be better, so would walking, I can get Tesco to deliver and for those moments when I really need a car, I can rent one. I then don’t have to worry about each screech of brakes outside, each little warning light, it’s not my problem. It also makes saying no a whole lot easier … “I don’t have a car, sorry”

I probably won’t of course, it’s just words and a symptom of my current depression.