On the Plus Side …

I won £10.50 on Euro-Millions the other day.

Old wives tale now … I have itchy palms, what does that mean? According to my mate ‘Google’ the itching in my left palm means I am going to be given some money and, in the right palm, I am going to have money taken away … yeah, that so fits! Thinking positively though, my left palm is more itchy so maybe the net result could be me quids in?

It took me a long while to calm down last night after getting in … after dropping Nick off I called home to let them know I was on my way, I was really missing them for some reason, probably because of the movie. John told me they were watching ‘Cars’ a DVD that I had asked to watch together as a family because it is so funny. That really upset me so I was in a right mood when I got in … then I found out that earlier they had watched ‘Ice Age II’ another movie I was looking forward to seeing as a family and everyone knew this on both counts and there were other movies they could have watched. Daisy I discovered asleep in the ‘J’ Lounge with her boyfriend despite being reminded that that room is only to be used with my permission. There was washing up left in the sink and the cats were after food … in short, I go out and I take the rules of the house with me and others see it as a reason to sit on their backsides to do nothing. It is this sort of thing which plays on my mind and I cannot help but wonder how much others care about me. They say they do and I am sure they felt guilty but it won’t stop it happening again.

Matt mentioned that my dad had called Friday … they were not impressed with their visit on Sunday apparently. At long last they have seen Jermaine as I normally see him, drugged up and moody and I think now they may be a little more likely to see things from my point of view that maybe his current placement is not best for him, that sometimes quality of life is better than ‘just living’. Of course, this will come back on me because it is my dad, it will be my fault because I should keep a tighter check, it was my choice in the first place etc.

Robin is still in hospital. I am trying to be supportive but Milton Keynes is a fair trip from here and it’s rarely just there and back, I have other things to do on the way and the cost of it all is piling up. He seems a little improved but appears to have a long way to go still. A little annoyance right now is the on/off arrangements for Christmas. When we left him Friday he was coming here with us collecting him on the way back from Jermaine then dropping him back to the hospital on Boxing day … he called yesterday and it seems like he has not got clearance to stay out overnight at all so the whole thing could be off again and, in the meantime, I am trying to get a mental image of how the day is going to go, it is very frustrating!

Life is not all doom and gloom of course … for all their cock-ups the kids clearly love me and they do make me laugh at times. Deej (John) it totally mad and it’s difficult not to give in and chill around him. I think we compliment each other very well what with my seriousness and his simplicity it just works and I am incredibly lucky to have him,

Hey, its Christmas Eve don’t you know! All around the house not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse … which is fortunate because with two cats in the house that would be one very stupid mouse.

Out my window nothing really isn’t moving (is that a double negative?) though it is 08.30 it seems more like 5am, a little amazing really. I didn’t get to sleep until gone 2 this morning but just couldn’t sleep beyond 8 for some reason, maybe that Christmas restlessness has set in. I find Christmas a little like sex … I really look forward to it for a long while. When it is happening its great fun but then, once the presents are opened and the dinner eaten it all seems a little awkward. Christmas carols seem inappropriate and I feel the need to move on, remove the decorations and stop being silly … not that I really feel awkward or silly about sex of course, it’s just that the aftermath of an orgasm is steep and subdued following the event and that’s Christmas … great to look forward to yet over with so quickly and, unlike sex, often a disappointment!

A car just moved out there, probably some bloke getting home to his wife!

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