The Filipino Debate

I’d very much like to thank the many friends and family who are concerned enough about me to be worried about my involvement with the Philippines and any future relationship I might have with someone there.

Now, over the past couple of years I made some mistakes. I didn’t know enough and I screwed up basically.

With Jo I had doubts from the outset but he was rather handsome and was funny and I thought, what the hell, it’s a cultural difference, I will adapt, we’ll meet each other half way and everything will be OK. So I arranged to visit. I could have kept it cheap but instead I opted for OK hotels and condo’s for a month and, when I was there we ate out all the time and I was paying. To make matters worse, I went and added two weeks in the States on the tail end and, well, that wasn’t cheap.

The first night in GenSan and already I knew something wasn’t right. There was an incompatibility that I really didn’t think I could live with. I spent many hours my first night there and first full day contemplating altering my plans and just heading off somewhere else. But, I’d sort of backed myself into a corner. So many back home were against it that I got determined to prove everyone wrong, I couldn’t handle coming home with my tail between my legs so I persisted. It wasn’t terrible, we got along mostly, had a good laugh and I was content. But, that bond wasn’t strong enough between us. It was also too soon, we’d really rushed the whole immigration process, Joe had screwed things up in the Philippines by not introducing me to his family, only a select few so the application got rejected. I was more upset that I looked stupid than anything else, I didn’t miss Joe, just the idea of being in a relationship. I had spent a lot of money on Joe, way too much.

Then, some many months later I started talking to Randy. He seemed lovely, I think he is lovely but, he wasn’t entirely honest with me, he was playing a delicate game he hadn’t told me about. Basically, he had me and this other guy on the go and had decided which ever of us made the first move out there was the one he’d choose so, it was a bit of a shock to discover this on Facebook.

I vowed not to enter into anything else with someone from another country, I was just going to make friends and then I’d have someone to visit when I went on my travels but, Dennis came along.

As Sean says, why would someone as hot as Dennis fancy me? Well, I don’t know but then, he does so I’d best take his word for it.

Dennis Driving

Look, let’s understand something here, the average salary for a teacher in the Philippines is about £260 a month, yes, that’s it! It’s stupidly unrealistic to expect someone from there to pay out for a flight to the UK which might cost £400 (on a good day), they don’t have the spare cash. VISA’s and other such things are often that bit too costly. I know that, it’s a fact and it’s not going to change so, what do I do?

I could take the attitude that it’s too much money, too risky, not worth the gamble and try and find someone in the UK but, there is a problem there.

UK guys are, on the whole, ageist. My mind, the way I think is not the same as the majority of men my age, they are generally way to stuck in their ways, not looking to change or do ‘out there’ things. That’s not good for me. So, I need someone with a young energetic outlook on life and that isn’t easy to find. To make matters worse, guys here are also sizeist if such a thing is a real word, they don’t want a partner who is so much shorter than them. With the average male height here at 5’ 9” I am certainly short.

So, my issue is, I need someone who thinks as I do, who is my size, who doesn’t think age is an issue. Not only that, I need somewhere that this sort of man is abundant, where people my size are ‘normal’. The Philippines is that place. When I am there I don’t feel in any way freakish. If they only respected same sex relationships I’d be overjoyed but, they don’t. It’s a very Catholic country, they are very unlikely to respect same sex relationships in my lifetime.

Dennis loves me for who I am, not where I am from. Actually, I think we’d both prefer to live there than here but, for the reasons above, that can’t happen any time soon. My getting a visa to stay there would be nearly impossible.

So, knowing they don’t have the sort of money needed I have to find a way to fund it. Money won’t go to Dennis, it’ll go on the things that need to be paid for. Sure, if you’re going to look at it cold then that looks like a free holiday but … what if, for one moment you consider the possibility that me and Dennis are serious about that, that he can be trusted, he isn’t out for a fiddle? What if I say no now because of my history and never find anyone else wondering what might have been with Dennis? I don’t want to do that. I want to go with my instinct. Right now there are none of those things which rung alarm bells with Joe. We speak every day on Skype for an hour or two. I very often get to see family and friends there and he does here.

I truly honestly believe that I can totally trust Dennis, I’ve no reason not to. I refuse to blame an entire country for the transgressions of two people.

Our plan is that we work really hard to get Dennis a visitors visa to come here for a month next April. It needs to be a month as he’s really worried he’s going to get homesick, a month is long enough for that to kick in. After that, he’ll go home and we carry on as we are now. At some point I shall go stay there for a while, perhaps Christmas 2016 at some point in summer of 2017 we might, might consider a permanent arrangement but that might not be until 2018. Even if all that goes through it will be 2023 before he got a UK passport. I will be 60. I can honestly see a situation where at 65 I retire there in the Philippines but, who knows?

It’s all really early days, just one month in. You might be thinking that this is all too early but, I had a long marriage where we were engaged within a couple of months. A 6 year relationship where he moved in within days … that’s me, impulsive, a go with my heart sort of person. Sure, things don’t always work out, that is life. But there is one real bad failure in life and that is not to try.

My only real fear is if the money runs out before we complete this. I couldn’t bare to have found the right man but not be with him so, at some point in the future, if my finances do become a mess, it might be me who comes calling asking for help for a change. I’ve helped out enough people in my life so I am teaching myself that I might need to ask and, if they are the people I believe them to be, they won’t let me down.

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