I just watched a TV programme. It’s called, ‘999, what’s the emergency’ and usually I love things like this, totally fascinating stuff.

This one, not so much.

It was all about death, end of life. Several people died, not horrible road traffic deaths just fairly quiet deaths I guess. Many needed CPR but it didn’t work of course. This was upsetting enough in itself, despite having experienced death as a Carer. It then went on to the lady who had three children with a mega rare condition. Effectively they have about 10 years to live if they are lucky and it is the epilepsy attached to it which kills them. She’s already lost one daughter, her son was about to die and the second daughter (13) won’t have long to go either. That lady was totally broken.

I don’t want to go through that, I know I likely will with of my kids but, I don’t want to, it’s got to be a feeling of loss unlike any other to lose a child, maybe at any age but especially once they are adults or perhaps I feel like that because they’re adults, I don’t honestly know.

Anyway, I was a blubbering mess. It’s still not that long since Dad went and I have lost friends too and of course mum back in 1986 when I was just 23 and she was 52, that’ll never feel right. I envy those people who have parents when they themselves are grandparents. With Dad’s dementia we lost him actually years ago and last year was more of a release for him because he would not have chosen to be like that.

Honestly, I don’t know where I am going with this, just emotional I guess.