Author: Steve Antipolo

I am using GTA here as an example but this problem has been around for a while now with people forgetting that those they interact with online are actually real people. It’s a little like picking your nose at the wheel of the car and really believing no one can see you/ Sticking with the road rage analogy, it’s like road rage, inexplicably attacking a total stranger that almost certainly did something totally legal because it makes you feel silly.

I am of a generation where a game could be a game, even Cowboys and Indians didn’t involve actual physical violence though sometimes maybe if the opponent failed to fake die when shot with your pretend arrow but that was rare.

With the advent of computers came anonymity. The ability to pretend to be anyone, hide behind a screen and let loose without fear or reprisal. This was known as the Internet Troll. Their only purpose in life seemed to be to insult and provoke argument.

With the onset of the online game such as GTA we have given these people weapons, the power to truly dominate. They will seek out other players just going about their fun and annihilate them. They believe it’s ‘not personal’ because it’s just a game and they’re allowed to do that, it’s not explicitly banned so it must be OK. Except, generally it is against the rules but these rules are very randomly enforced, it all rather depends on how many people put in a complaint. They have a word, ‘griefing’ which means to constantly take out another player as soon as they spawn, players can and do get sanctioned for it but, again, this isn’t consistent, some get away with it unhindered.

So, it is the fault of @Rockstar, the game company who create Grand Theft Auto or is there a deeper issue here?

I believe it is the latter. It seems that the understanding between fun and respect has been lost.

Let me put this in terms of kicking about a football …. if a good player is playing with a novice, they’ve a choice, either assist the other player to attain a better standard of play and thus have a more equal contest in the future or, totally humiliate them making it abundantly clear how much more fun it is to win all the time and how, if they’re not having fun then, the problem is theirs alone.

This is what happens too often online. The better player plays alongside lesser players and rubs salt into their useless wound by constantly saying how much fun it is always winning and that the ‘loser’ (as the game calls them), needs to just live with it.

When this happens in the real world, he is elected President of the United States of America, we know him as Donald Trump.

It is a researched fact in psychology that when someone brags about their achievements, he loses respect of others, even those with more to brag about. There is a much forgotten quality, the ability to be humble and generous of spirit. Adopting that approach a person easily makes and maintains friendships …. except, not online.

Online encouraged adversarial play. It tells people to kill each other, to show no mercy and yet … what happens when these people are back in the real world? Is the one who won everything still superior? I suspect not so. Would they understand and accept when the tables are turned that they are no longer the popular one or would they think they are being ill served?

If only we remembered, online are ‘real’ people with feelings and emotions, they are not all brainless clones created by #rockstar games. 

One of my aims, if I can kick it off, is to try and turn this around, get others to ‘play nice’. Not sickly fingers down their throat nice but just considerate to ensure everyone in their party is having as good a time as they are.

My Dad always used to say, if you’re not playing to win, why bother? To me, it’s not winning that matters, it’s being equal to others, ensuring everyone is enjoying the same game to the best of their ability so, doing things a the level of all the players, not doing penalty shoot outs when one of the players can’t even kick the ball!

Just think on that for a while

 

How awful is it that a person can corrupt a month in the way that the current leader of the Conservative Party has?

Anyway, moving on.

I applied for a job, I got shortlisted, went for an interview and the bottom line is, I didn’t get it. I didn’t explain myself well enough. I fell short as I was aware that I waffle and might have been in danger of explaining myself too much. The answers I gave were all good answers it seems but because they couldn’t fathom how I got to them, I did not finish as seems to be a common occurrence these days … take that as you will.

To be honest, I don’t want to talk about it, it’s one job, it’s in the past and where it should be. Dwelling on it will prevent me being focused on what I still need to do.

What that is I am not entirely sure right now. I was confident of the one I went for because I knew about it and I do know I would have been really good at it so, my interview skills failed me not my ability to do a job. Had it been my ability then I’d not feel quite so worried, a quick side movement to another type of career and I’d be sorted but, I now need to work out what I honestly don’t know, how to crack the nut of interviews in this decade!

My situation would be helped were I not in a dire financial mess. Quite soon I am not going to be able to hold our heads above water any more, there is only so much moving of debt around I can do. I honestly don’t feel I have time to get a job before that happens which is making it difficult to focus right now.

Add to that we only got 23 months before I have to have a job, actually ‘we’ have to be working and I am feeling the pressure. 

One thing I cannot control is the outcome of the election on June 8th. It looks as though the Tories are going to change the goalposts for future visa applications and raise the bar. It totally depends how high just how much we will be affected.

If I am still a full time unpaid carer then we’ll still qualify except, by that time we will be totally broke so it won’t much matter, we won’t be able to demonstrate self sufficiency.

All I need to do now is find a way to motivate myself and focus.

A lottery win of a substantial nature would certainly help.

As I said earlier though, I don’t want to enter into talks about this. There is nothing I am aware that anyone else can help with unless they’ve a job either of us can do!

There is no significance in the blog entry title, it just happens to be the date today!

So, what happened since March 10 when I wrote my last entry?

Well, there was this on 16th… we went along, me, Dennis, Sean, Daisy and Robin to Sheffield to see the show and it was really very good indeed.

Beforehand we went to the Meadowhall Shopping Centre for lunch and to kill some time. Probably spent too much money, a recurring theme of recent months.

A lovely day albeit for a challenging return journey when the M1 was closed.

 

Now, what did we do on March 18th? Hmmm …. Ah yes, we got married!

Link here to Pictures

It took several weeks of planning calling in every favour we could, saving money where ever possible. I often think these cheaper weddings are the best. I think it’s unlikely even with all the essential costs for the ceremony and so on that we spent much over £600. Amazing considering some couples just add a couple of 00’s to that sum!

We had the ever lovely Kim as our Person of Honour. She essentially fulfilled the roles of wedding planner and best man and she stepped up to the role brilliants.
Sean was our DJ hitting the button right all the time, sorting the Karaoke and multimedia shows, it all went really well … apart from a slight microphone hitch meaning the speech mic almost had to be eaten for anyone to hear it but, small details!

 

 

 

 

 

We had two unique speeches. Daisy did a speech as a family representative and Steve did one on behalf of friends. Both were really good albeit that Steve mainly used a piece that I’d written some time ago which was a bit cheeky but appropriate all the same

 

He spoke of how we’d first met but the main part was something I put on this very blog many moons ago … perhaps if Steve sees this he might add a comment as to where they post came from as it could be interesting!

We were both very grateful indeed for his prayer as we did want some faith based element to our wedding, something that equality demands but which organised religion (not all) denies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speeches are often awkward, my own went out the window! I had it in bullet points but decided to change the order then realised I’d put it in that order for a reason so had to make a recovery … I don’t think anyone notice or, they were too polite to say anything!

 

 

 

 

Dennis had not long seen the message from the Philippines so was still quite emotional doing his speech, there were a lot of wet eyes in the room during this and I was struggling I can tell you!

 

 

We were very nervous about adding Karaoke into the evening reception, it’s just not British to let your hair down and open yourself up for being a little out there.

We’d selected just 10 tracks and managed to get most with someone singing along.

Me and Dennis kicked it off with a song to each other …. I mean, apologies to sensitive ears but I did stop being any sort of singer when my voice broke at 15. Since then, having had surgery on my vocal chords since, my voice is a little hit and miss at best but … all the same, it’s all part of the fun.

 

 

 

Our special picture drawn by Daisy was off the house from the Disney/Pixar movie ‘Up’ and it enabled us to get our guests to leave us their fingerprints and initials as ‘balloons’ to be used in the future in evidence against them, that they were at our wedding.

We think it turned out really good.

 

The following week, the honeymoon, was in Devon

Obviously we had a hot tub, it’s an essential part of the relaxing. It was also the only way to get warm outside as it was really cold! One evening I used it on my own, I seriously thought (through the torrential rain) that a tree was going to get blown down on me. The UK weather in March is hardly what could be described as tropical!

 

 

The lodge we had was really good. We got it discounted because of who we know so, can’t complain at all.

We didn’t get to see much of Devon, to be honest, a rest was what we really needed and not to be driving each day.

 

Josh

The end of March marked the beginning of Josh’s health issues with his spherocytosis, in my opinion, the only thing his biological father gave him, sums the man up perfectly … he’d have not given it to him if he had to give something up himself to do it! All my opinion of course, not a statement of anything else … just in case the (in my opinion) nasty piece of poo decides to actually get off his backside and try and cause me trouble again! Draw your own judgements on him.

He’s had one blood transfusion so far and his levels are already dropping meaning he’ll probably need another quite soon. They only do this for so long before removing the spleen and likely the gall bladder too (the main immune system). It’s going to be an emotional and uncomfortable time for him and all those who care about him.

Various Movies throughout the month

Beauty & The Beast, Smurfs, The Great Wall, Logan and Lego Batman … nothing too bad in there, some quite excellent

Visa

We had to go Sheffield to get the next visa which Dennis needed to remain in the country and work. Others had come all the way from Essex, these places are not exactly easy to get to! On the same day we got the notification that it’s been approved so, all we need to do now is find work and all our financial worries (huge ones) will be over!

This year is going to see a lot of changes going on.

Many may not like those changes because what they will be is selfish. ‘I’ plan on living for me and that means devoting my time and energy to me and my soon to be ‘husband’,  Dennis.

Essentially that will mean a hell of a lot less time for others. Entire relationships as they are now will change as circumstances change.

Hopefully, we’ll quickly become self sufficient financially and that will mean not having to rely on an handouts from others, not the state or family. No will will have the power to use their contribution to our existence against us again. No well meaning souls will be able to make that call to the benefit fraud team or safeguarding because, we won’t be involved with those people. Our lives and our home will be under our own rules and standards. No body will have the right to behave superior or disrespectful again, it’s not going to happen.

Of course, this relies on our mega expensive next visa being approved in the 24 hours it should be without any hitch and then us both not taking too long to get employed.

It’s a big ask but we’ve got big determination. Dennis needs to feel part of this country and that means working. I need to feel a valued part of this country too. I’ve been 2nd class for too long, enough is enough already.

Those who care about us will embrace these changes and support us, others will rebel and make it difficult, we know this.