What a Week!

Dad’s condition took a turn for the worse. He now lacks capacity and cannot move into his new flat after all. Just when I finally got the solicitors sorted and working Dad gets permanently ill. Because of how useless they are he’ll never get to live in the flat and that’s a huge shame as he actually seemed really happy about it.

That’s all up in the air. He’s in hospital now in Essex, within a week or two at the most his address will be Northampton and I’ve got to get one of the authorities to take responsibility for it all. He will either have to self fund which I’ve worked out a workable plan for or, I might be able to persuade them he needs health funding in which case his property and bank balance are preserved for anything he might want to do with it. He doesn’t even get his assessment until likely the end of next week which is now looking really busy.

Great news is, Dennis got the visa (yay) which is the best news ever which I’d enjoy all the more if I wasn’t stressing so much dealing with the ‘dad’ thing. I did manage to fit in getting Dennis a flight so I am happy about that at least!

There is so much to arrange though. I have been up until about 2am most nights since I found out working on scenarios of what could work and what couldn’t and I have still barely scratched the surface. All of this could get blown up if the assessments come up with awkward conclusions. Please let them decide health funding and give me a break already!

Us & Them

With the US Presidential elections about to happen I thought it was worth remembering how things really should be in the world.

A lot of the campaigning from Trump has been about pushing one group against another. It’s painfully easy to do and so very difficult to stop once started. Probably most governments and powerful people do this and here is why …

During the development of humans we lives in small groups. This worked very well because everyone knew each other, understood the abilities and the thought process. It made for successful production of food or hunting and gave them protection from other possibly rival groups. If a group became too big it would likely split into smaller groups. The notion of the group getting ever bigger was not seen as a workable option as eventually too many would not understand the needs and abilities of others and working together would be too problematic so we started down the road of, our group and, their group.

That was all well and good when there was a mammoth to catch or sabre toothed tiger to fight off but not such a practical option now but, it’s still there in our make up, the way we think when we’re not really thinking. Reactivating it is really not difficult, as I said, painfully easy.

Let’s look at some examples of the UK:

Single Mothers were, in the 1980’s, the cause of all problems, they made headlines as the ones who caused, who were the pure example of why the welfare state wasn’t a good idea. Up to date and we’ve extended this to all those who claim state benefits and, just lately, anyone who isn’t British.

Let’s look at that for a moment, being British, what does it mean?

It could be that a person declares they are British just because they were born here and no others, in their way of thinking, could be British unless they were born here but, how do we define ‘British’ as a culture? If we say we’re British we need others who are not British to understand what we mean. Our American friends have a fairly strong idea of what British is, I think many of us who live in the UK would agree they are nowhere even close. The same could be said for many other versions of what is British around the world.

If we go on the birth argument for who is British then this must include just about any colour or religion we can think of seeing as so many are now 2nd or 3rd generation British by birth. But, then it all gets a little grey. The group ‘Britain First’ would argue that British is white, Church of England, ideally heterosexual. The National Front had similar beliefs and, UKIP isn’t so far removed. Many of our European friends now have children who were born here and yet, those who voted to leave the EU would have all Eastern Europeans sent back to their birth country …. are we OK caring for their British children? UKIP wanted the foreigners out except, it was OK if a British person was married to a foreigner. Already you should be seeing how the argument for ‘them & Us’ is not simple.

At the one end of the extreme, where would the UK be if we kicked out everyone not born here? We’d have to get a new Governor of the Bank of England for a start! Then there are all those people in the NHS, doctors, nurses, cleaners … well, a huge amount, they’d have to go because, it’s not fair to discriminate. We’d lose a good amount of teachers too and then we have service personal in the Army, the Navy and the Airforce. All those corner shops that might still be run by non birth Brits, they’d be gone, indeed, any company currently owned by a non birth Brit would need to close. That means a huge amount of jobs we don’t have the people to cover in the UK and a lot of Brits suddenly out of work because they don’t have the skills to do the vacant jobs. If we add in the insistence that everyone not only needs to be born here but also a practising Church goer, in the Church of England of course (Scotland or otherwise and they might accept Catholics) … oh dear, all the Muslims and Jews need to go as well. The country is starting to empty out rapidly. How far back does someone need to go before they  are considered true British by those who consider ‘they’ are true British? One, two or more generations? Don’t go back too far else we’ll all get expelled because not many families living here can go back too many generations before they discover they’re from another country. So, how about we just remove all the homo’s? That’s great except in that heterosexual people have homosexual kids quite often, about 1 out of every 10 kids so the statistics show. Do we immediately offer those children up to another country or just kill them off? OK, those on benefits then … sure, there are a tiny minority of people who fiddle the system, the worrying thing is, most and that does mean, the greater majority of those getting benefits are fully entitled through no fault of their own with the sort of issue which could happen to any one of us. Take a sledgehammer to the benefits system and it’s one of those hard working full blood heterosexual white Brits which might lose out.

At the other end of the extreme, we have an open door policy, anyone can come and go and no one has any responsibility to abide by the laws of the UK as long as they were born here, are white, go to an acceptable church and are heterosexual … now, that’s totally screwed up!

Is it acceptable for someone who considers themselves a pure Brit to smoke and sell cannabis for example? Is that what we want to say being British is all about? Doesn’t someone who claims to be British, pure British really have to never break a UK law and have total respect for the monarchy along with a deep desire to use their right to vote?

You see, what we have is people who don’t really have an opinion that they’re aware of until someone they respect tells them to have one and then they blindly follow that line and will defend it, it’s like having a whole range of robots who have no programming and then, when they get it are incapable of self awareness, the ability to think.

Donald Trump is using this in his attempt to become the most powerful man on the planet, there is barely a group he hasn’t attacked and people are going for it, he’s speaking their language even though they were not aware they had a language before he told them. He says something they like the sound of for their circumstances and they’re prepared to overlook anything else because, he isn’t saying that to them.

By the time the Germans realised the true horror of what the Nazi party was doing it was too late, they’d already bought into it and sold their future to the devil.

Perhaps we should look at history and work out that, when it comes down to it, we’re all just individuals, none better or worse than the other. We should learn about what each other believe, insist everyone abides by the same national laws and stop making generic judgements on entire groups of allegedly ‘same’ people.

There is no such thing as ‘all’ Muslims or the ‘Gay’ community or indeed, all blacks, Asians, or whatever pigeon hole someone might choose to use, we just people who by some weird quirk of circumstance find us all within the same political border. How about we just get used to that, accept it and move on, the only thing which makes us all the same is the fact that we’re all different.

Limboland

That’s not a word but, it’ll do!

It’s how I feel at the moment. I am trying to be positive, think things up but I don’t much like waiting on distant, often anonymous people to make important decisions or to do important work.

The worry of having chosen the wrong solicitors is getting to me. I am having to point out such basic errors I wonder how many I might have missed which could come back to bite me at some point in the future. At the moment I am awaiting a new contract as they screwed up what they sent me, had I signed it then it wouldn’t have been legal.

We’ve got the visa decision too, they could reject it just for the hell of it and I have no clue on what grounds to challenge it because I know it was OK, everything we needed was there. A rejection will just be them making the decision we’re not in a valid relationship in their opinion so, all I can fight with is that we are, in our opinion. They’ve got plenty of witness statements to support the case that we’re in a relationship and yet … I can’t think of many times when something just went right first time, it’s always a fight and I am tired of fights. Loads of other people never have to fight for anything, I want a bit of that!

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not all doom and gloom, I have a lot of optimism in me still. I’ve zero tolerance for those who want get off their backside but a lot of positive energy that this is a turning point in my life for the good. I get all gooey and excited just thinking about Dennis actually being here. I hype myself up so much I then go worrying that I won’t be enough to entertain him, that’s silly, I know it, but I want him to be happy so much.

One of the major issues with life being such a struggle previously is it leaves me with the feeling that ‘I am not worthy’. Like, if it starts going right then someone will come along to screw it up, throw a money wrench into the works. It’s near impossible to believe that this might actually be the time when people allow me to be happy

Autumn is a strange time of year, it is both beautiful and depressing at the same time. It looks great but the next stage, sure as anything, is for cool, wet days with little light for several months, It should be pointed out that it’s been months since I had a huge Disney fix! A person needs these things you know!

Well, it’s late, a busy day tomorrow (today) as it’s Danny’s birthday. This evening I have the house to myself with no plans

Same Sex Relationships and Marriage

How do they differ from ‘normal’ relationships?

For a start they are clearly not ‘straight’ Straight is normal as everyone knows so, therefore, it stands to reason that those entering into a same sex relationship will want to be as normal as possible.

Clearly, one of the partnership must, to remain traditional (another word meaning ‘normal’), one must be the woman and the other, it follows, should be the man. Ideally the two identities should be easy to identify for normal people. It would therefore help if one is camp and feminine and the other is, perhaps, butch and masculine.

Once the gender roles are indentified it is then customary for the couple to divulge to anyone asking what their sexual preferences are. Ideally not giving too much information as this is seen as gross but enough as to define that the ‘male’ of the couple is, indeed, the ‘top’ and the ‘female’ is the ‘bottom’. Following on from this the normal person will be expected to and it is accepted that they do ask with some concern, whether either in the arrangement is concerned about getting AIDS? As everyone knows, all same sex couples will have had a great many sexual partners, never used protection and inevitably sleep around despite being in a relationship. We don’t need to look far for supporting evidence of this seeing as the Blood Transfusion Service in the UK has a blanket ban on all sexually active gay men donating blood whether they are married or not. Clearly if an agency held in such high esteem does this, it just confirms what ‘everyone’ already knows.

At the wedding, which one is going to wear the dress?

Hmm, you see that’s a really difficult that a male gay couple wrestles with for some considerable time. In all the years they dreamed of finding the right man, forefront of their mind was whether or not ‘he’ would look good in a wedding dress. You know what? I bet he already has friends in dressmaking that have already shared their designs and … wow, getting cut price flowers for the wedding with so many gay florists and hairdressing well, we all, as gay men, know just about every hairdresser in the country so it’s a given we’ll ‘cut’ a deal.

We will have the usual questions of course:

  • Are you getting married in a church then?
  • Giggle, which of you is going to be the best man?
  • If neither of you is wearing a dress, your suits will be pink at least, right?
  • Will you have a pink wedding car?
  • Will they be playing ‘It’s raining men’ as you both walk up the aisle?

Just some of the helpful questions I’ve already heard.

Let’s have some Clarification:

Gay men like MEN

If they liked men who were like women they might prefer to be HETEROSEXUAL. That or they like someone other than a gay MAN … but the entire topic is open to debate.

A Gay male couple are both MEN. Neither has any desire to play the part of a woman (unless they have a conflict of gender identity). Neither will be wearing a damn dress, it’s insulting and rude to suggest it, you are disrespecting the fact that they are a same sex couple. It’s as stupid as asking a heterosexual male to wear the dress and his bride the suit! It’s just wrong, don’t do it.

A Gay man might like Pink, he may also like, Blue, Black, Purple, White, Red and, indeed any other colour or combination thereof.

Let’s make a deal, gay men won’t ask you how you indulge in sex because, it’s none of our business so, if we don’t, can you not as us either.

For a great many gay men, getting married is a sign of their desire to enter into a monogamous relationship, spend the rest of their lives with just one man emotionally and physically. Yes, some do get married knowing and agreeing to an ‘open relationship’ as do some heterosexual couple. It is still rude to assume this to be the case. Gay men are like heterosexual couples in a relationship in many ways. They are both attracted to their partner on an emotional and physical level. They are devoted to that partner and only that partner, they put their partner first. They enjoy sex in the most loving way possible, how they enjoy it is between only them.

It’s so easy to stereotype. Remember, all relationships, gay or straight are challenging and the couple should be supported for the people that they are, not the stereotype you allow yourself to believe. Couples will have ups and downs, all totally normal and the last thing a couple needs is someone around them disrespecting them as a normal couple.

I do hope this has helped with your education