Author: Steve Antipolo

I knew the tyres on the front were a little low, borderline illegal but, I was showing Robin earlier and discovered a large nail in the rear tyre.

Fair to say I am very thankful I don’t pay for the three tyres which needed to be replaced! Would have come to the best part of a grand, ouch!

Some may ask why I went into so much detail yesterday. You know, I’d really rather not have to. Sadly, so many people are judgemental. Each have their little opinions and, even when they don’t voice those opinions it’s so easily obvious to tell.

For example, I know if I were dating a man from England and meeting him each day for an hour so many people would be involved wanting to know how it is going, wanting to meet him, know more about him just as it should be. Because my man doesn’t live in this country is almost like the elephant in the corner, the awkward subject people don’t like to talk about because, basically, they are just waiting for it all to go wrong and … after all, everyone has heard those horror stories of how British people get robbed by Johnny Foreigner.

Well, my answer to that is yes, of course that goes on. Then again, it’s not so damn wonderful here when we have partners who cheat on us, some get beaten up and so on, no one can ever be totally certain of what they’re getting themselves into. But, just because there are some negative experiences, should that mean we never try, that we are so racist that we don’t think we can give some support to our friends and family who are succeeding in maintaining a difficult long distance relationship? The feelings involved are just as real. Having little to no acknowledgement feels quite awful.

This is the reality though … I have stupidly strong natural feelings for Dennis and I am certain he has for me too. Us two are both going to give a relationship our absolute best shot, really work at it. We probably have more in depth conversations than many other couples do seeing as we can’t really just sit in front of the TV ignoring each other all evening and class that as getting to know each other.

Yesterday Dennis did something that I’ve dreamed of a man doing my entire life. Sure, technology let us down but he sang to me and I joined in. That might seem trivial to some but, it was quite magical to me.

So, Dennis is Dennis, he’s not someone else, he’s not any of the people I’ve known before, he’s his own person with his own qualities and values. I am going to ask you to trust me that I know he is genuine and totally honest and that what we do we will decide together.

I know not everyone is against this, obviously not, many are totally happy to see how happy I am. Should anyone be against it then please, if you have nothing good to say and you don’t want to support me and Dennis then, stay away, we don’t need you.

So, I shouldn’t need to justify anything but, I do.

It’s been lovely to get those message of support I got yesterday by the way. It would be even more lovely if you were to post a comment here or on Facebook so Dennis can see he’s got support here. Hell, just imagine how scary it could feel coming to a country where others might think you’re less than honest, can you imagine that? As my boyfriend I’d like you to respect Dennis, he’s totally lovely as you will hopefully some day discover for yourself.

I’d very much like to thank the many friends and family who are concerned enough about me to be worried about my involvement with the Philippines and any future relationship I might have with someone there.

Now, over the past couple of years I made some mistakes. I didn’t know enough and I screwed up basically.

With Jo I had doubts from the outset but he was rather handsome and was funny and I thought, what the hell, it’s a cultural difference, I will adapt, we’ll meet each other half way and everything will be OK. So I arranged to visit. I could have kept it cheap but instead I opted for OK hotels and condo’s for a month and, when I was there we ate out all the time and I was paying. To make matters worse, I went and added two weeks in the States on the tail end and, well, that wasn’t cheap.

The first night in GenSan and already I knew something wasn’t right. There was an incompatibility that I really didn’t think I could live with. I spent many hours my first night there and first full day contemplating altering my plans and just heading off somewhere else. But, I’d sort of backed myself into a corner. So many back home were against it that I got determined to prove everyone wrong, I couldn’t handle coming home with my tail between my legs so I persisted. It wasn’t terrible, we got along mostly, had a good laugh and I was content. But, that bond wasn’t strong enough between us. It was also too soon, we’d really rushed the whole immigration process, Joe had screwed things up in the Philippines by not introducing me to his family, only a select few so the application got rejected. I was more upset that I looked stupid than anything else, I didn’t miss Joe, just the idea of being in a relationship. I had spent a lot of money on Joe, way too much.

Then, some many months later I started talking to Randy. He seemed lovely, I think he is lovely but, he wasn’t entirely honest with me, he was playing a delicate game he hadn’t told me about. Basically, he had me and this other guy on the go and had decided which ever of us made the first move out there was the one he’d choose so, it was a bit of a shock to discover this on Facebook.

I vowed not to enter into anything else with someone from another country, I was just going to make friends and then I’d have someone to visit when I went on my travels but, Dennis came along.

As Sean says, why would someone as hot as Dennis fancy me? Well, I don’t know but then, he does so I’d best take his word for it.

Look, let’s understand something here, the average salary for a teacher in the Philippines is about £260 a month, yes, that’s it! It’s stupidly unrealistic to expect someone from there to pay out for a flight to the UK which might cost £400 (on a good day), they don’t have the spare cash. VISA’s and other such things are often that bit too costly. I know that, it’s a fact and it’s not going to change so, what do I do?

I could take the attitude that it’s too much money, too risky, not worth the gamble and try and find someone in the UK but, there is a problem there.

UK guys are, on the whole, ageist. My mind, the way I think is not the same as the majority of men my age, they are generally way to stuck in their ways, not looking to change or do ‘out there’ things. That’s not good for me. So, I need someone with a young energetic outlook on life and that isn’t easy to find. To make matters worse, guys here are also sizeist if such a thing is a real word, they don’t want a partner who is so much shorter than them. With the average male height here at 5’ 9” I am certainly short.

So, my issue is, I need someone who thinks as I do, who is my size, who doesn’t think age is an issue. Not only that, I need somewhere that this sort of man is abundant, where people my size are ‘normal’. The Philippines is that place. When I am there I don’t feel in any way freakish. If they only respected same sex relationships I’d be overjoyed but, they don’t. It’s a very Catholic country, they are very unlikely to respect same sex relationships in my lifetime.

Dennis loves me for who I am, not where I am from. Actually, I think we’d both prefer to live there than here but, for the reasons above, that can’t happen any time soon. My getting a visa to stay there would be nearly impossible.

So, knowing they don’t have the sort of money needed I have to find a way to fund it. Money won’t go to Dennis, it’ll go on the things that need to be paid for. Sure, if you’re going to look at it cold then that looks like a free holiday but … what if, for one moment you consider the possibility that me and Dennis are serious about that, that he can be trusted, he isn’t out for a fiddle? What if I say no now because of my history and never find anyone else wondering what might have been with Dennis? I don’t want to do that. I want to go with my instinct. Right now there are none of those things which rung alarm bells with Joe. We speak every day on Skype for an hour or two. I very often get to see family and friends there and he does here.

I truly honestly believe that I can totally trust Dennis, I’ve no reason not to. I refuse to blame an entire country for the transgressions of two people.

Our plan is that we work really hard to get Dennis a visitors visa to come here for a month next April. It needs to be a month as he’s really worried he’s going to get homesick, a month is long enough for that to kick in. After that, he’ll go home and we carry on as we are now. At some point I shall go stay there for a while, perhaps Christmas 2016 at some point in summer of 2017 we might, might consider a permanent arrangement but that might not be until 2018. Even if all that goes through it will be 2023 before he got a UK passport. I will be 60. I can honestly see a situation where at 65 I retire there in the Philippines but, who knows?

It’s all really early days, just one month in. You might be thinking that this is all too early but, I had a long marriage where we were engaged within a couple of months. A 6 year relationship where he moved in within days … that’s me, impulsive, a go with my heart sort of person. Sure, things don’t always work out, that is life. But there is one real bad failure in life and that is not to try.

My only real fear is if the money runs out before we complete this. I couldn’t bare to have found the right man but not be with him so, at some point in the future, if my finances do become a mess, it might be me who comes calling asking for help for a change. I’ve helped out enough people in my life so I am teaching myself that I might need to ask and, if they are the people I believe them to be, they won’t let me down.

The above pictures are the sorts of locations where I feel really happy and relaxed and I like being happy and relaxed.

Most are taken of and from Goodrich Castle whilst the last one is the River Wye near Symonds Yat. The car park there was £5 no matter how long the stay so I decided against staying longer than it took me to take the picture.

I was over that way recharging my batteries, in need of a little me time.

Since June 9th I’ve been chatting to someone a very lot. Yes, I know, he’s in the Philippines, bad experiences lessons learnt and all that but, my mind matches younger guys better and most younger guys in the UK think anyone over 40 is their sugar daddy or their headmaster or whatever role-play they are into. I just want to be with someone who can relax without being boring.

So, I started talking to Dennis and love our chats on Skype

He’ll probably hate that picture but, I think it shows his fun loving personality really well.

We’re playing the long game, no rushing it so, let’s see how it goes. One way or another I hope we can meet next year whether Dennis comes here or I go there. I keep buying lottery tickets to increase the chances of making something not stand in the way of possibilities.

The weather, wow, lovely at 33°C yesterday, today back down to 22°C again which normally feels great but not so much after yesterday, Meant to be 27°C tomorrow, that’s better.