Category: Updates

There is no significance in the blog entry title, it just happens to be the date today!

So, what happened since March 10 when I wrote my last entry?

Well, there was this on 16th… we went along, me, Dennis, Sean, Daisy and Robin to Sheffield to see the show and it was really very good indeed.

Beforehand we went to the Meadowhall Shopping Centre for lunch and to kill some time. Probably spent too much money, a recurring theme of recent months.

A lovely day albeit for a challenging return journey when the M1 was closed.

 

Now, what did we do on March 18th? Hmmm …. Ah yes, we got married!

Link here to Pictures

It took several weeks of planning calling in every favour we could, saving money where ever possible. I often think these cheaper weddings are the best. I think it’s unlikely even with all the essential costs for the ceremony and so on that we spent much over £600. Amazing considering some couples just add a couple of 00’s to that sum!

We had the ever lovely Kim as our Person of Honour. She essentially fulfilled the roles of wedding planner and best man and she stepped up to the role brilliants.
Sean was our DJ hitting the button right all the time, sorting the Karaoke and multimedia shows, it all went really well … apart from a slight microphone hitch meaning the speech mic almost had to be eaten for anyone to hear it but, small details!

 

 

 

 

 

We had two unique speeches. Daisy did a speech as a family representative and Steve did one on behalf of friends. Both were really good albeit that Steve mainly used a piece that I’d written some time ago which was a bit cheeky but appropriate all the same

 

He spoke of how we’d first met but the main part was something I put on this very blog many moons ago … perhaps if Steve sees this he might add a comment as to where they post came from as it could be interesting!

We were both very grateful indeed for his prayer as we did want some faith based element to our wedding, something that equality demands but which organised religion (not all) denies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speeches are often awkward, my own went out the window! I had it in bullet points but decided to change the order then realised I’d put it in that order for a reason so had to make a recovery … I don’t think anyone notice or, they were too polite to say anything!

 

 

 

 

Dennis had not long seen the message from the Philippines so was still quite emotional doing his speech, there were a lot of wet eyes in the room during this and I was struggling I can tell you!

 

 

We were very nervous about adding Karaoke into the evening reception, it’s just not British to let your hair down and open yourself up for being a little out there.

We’d selected just 10 tracks and managed to get most with someone singing along.

Me and Dennis kicked it off with a song to each other …. I mean, apologies to sensitive ears but I did stop being any sort of singer when my voice broke at 15. Since then, having had surgery on my vocal chords since, my voice is a little hit and miss at best but … all the same, it’s all part of the fun.

 

 

 

Our special picture drawn by Daisy was off the house from the Disney/Pixar movie ‘Up’ and it enabled us to get our guests to leave us their fingerprints and initials as ‘balloons’ to be used in the future in evidence against them, that they were at our wedding.

We think it turned out really good.

 

The following week, the honeymoon, was in Devon

Obviously we had a hot tub, it’s an essential part of the relaxing. It was also the only way to get warm outside as it was really cold! One evening I used it on my own, I seriously thought (through the torrential rain) that a tree was going to get blown down on me. The UK weather in March is hardly what could be described as tropical!

 

 

The lodge we had was really good. We got it discounted because of who we know so, can’t complain at all.

We didn’t get to see much of Devon, to be honest, a rest was what we really needed and not to be driving each day.

 

Josh

The end of March marked the beginning of Josh’s health issues with his spherocytosis, in my opinion, the only thing his biological father gave him, sums the man up perfectly … he’d have not given it to him if he had to give something up himself to do it! All my opinion of course, not a statement of anything else … just in case the (in my opinion) nasty piece of poo decides to actually get off his backside and try and cause me trouble again! Draw your own judgements on him.

He’s had one blood transfusion so far and his levels are already dropping meaning he’ll probably need another quite soon. They only do this for so long before removing the spleen and likely the gall bladder too (the main immune system). It’s going to be an emotional and uncomfortable time for him and all those who care about him.

Various Movies throughout the month

Beauty & The Beast, Smurfs, The Great Wall, Logan and Lego Batman … nothing too bad in there, some quite excellent

Visa

We had to go Sheffield to get the next visa which Dennis needed to remain in the country and work. Others had come all the way from Essex, these places are not exactly easy to get to! On the same day we got the notification that it’s been approved so, all we need to do now is find work and all our financial worries (huge ones) will be over!

This year is going to see a lot of changes going on.

Many may not like those changes because what they will be is selfish. ‘I’ plan on living for me and that means devoting my time and energy to me and my soon to be ‘husband’,  Dennis.

Essentially that will mean a hell of a lot less time for others. Entire relationships as they are now will change as circumstances change.

Hopefully, we’ll quickly become self sufficient financially and that will mean not having to rely on an handouts from others, not the state or family. No will will have the power to use their contribution to our existence against us again. No well meaning souls will be able to make that call to the benefit fraud team or safeguarding because, we won’t be involved with those people. Our lives and our home will be under our own rules and standards. No body will have the right to behave superior or disrespectful again, it’s not going to happen.

Of course, this relies on our mega expensive next visa being approved in the 24 hours it should be without any hitch and then us both not taking too long to get employed.

It’s a big ask but we’ve got big determination. Dennis needs to feel part of this country and that means working. I need to feel a valued part of this country too. I’ve been 2nd class for too long, enough is enough already.

Those who care about us will embrace these changes and support us, others will rebel and make it difficult, we know this.

After a false start, Dennis finally arrived in the UK on February 2 this year. It was meant to be the previous Sunday but there was a document we’d never heard of which he needed to have from the Philippine authorities.

So, another few hundred £ down on the day we got everything sorted.

I had read various pieces online about a US singer called ‘’#Kim Burrell and eventually looked into it further as #Ellen had issues with it, indeed, some were saying she’d effectively killed her own career. That’s a shame because, well, people say stuff because they believe it often times it’s because someone else convinced them and perhaps something happened in their life which triggered the response. In hers I understand that a partner left her for a homosexual relationship, that must have been quite devastating. Anyway, I feel my own experience is one which, when shared might not change the minds of those so convinced but could be enough to make them think and what I am sharing with you now is what I wrote on Ms Burrell’s Facebook wall. Some may not recognise it as me but then, a lot don’t know me as well as I would wish they did. Anyway, here is a paste of it and please, overlook any typos, it wasn’t meant to be perfect, just from the heart.

I cannot get into a debate with you, I can only share something. Firstly, I love you as my sister from God. The Lord created us all, we’re all here for a purpose and, if I got anything from the reading of the Bible, the word of Jesus and the disciples, it’s the word ‘love’. It is the over riding word above all others that we have been given, that we need to love each other. We were told too that it is not for us to judge, they got that whole thing sorted out, we don’t have to take on that responsibility here. If someone commits a sin, they have Jesus to deal with. It’s like, if someone gets arrested by the police, we don’t need to be wagging any finger at them, our law will give earthly justice, divine justice is already arranged, we’re not equal to Jesus in handing out justice and we have no right to be doing it.

We know how contrary the Old Testament is, there is not one religion anywhere which thinks we need to take every part of the Old Testament and enact it, so much is forsaken, let go, adapted or otherwise not seen as appropriate in this day and age. Girl, we either respect and follow every part of it or we let it all go presuming Jesus just went and replaced it, which is, after all, what he was sent to do. We’re not saying it didn’t happen as the book said it did, we’re saying that Jesus showed us a new reality and that reality was, love. Everything Jesus did or said was about love and forgiveness. He was sacrificed on the cross because he loved all of us and forgave all of us. He did not die so that we could use his fathers words to share hate, the words of the almighty are not a weapon we can use when we want to, when we do that we believe we’ve the right to do that. The Bible is the message of love and respect because, you know, we lose nothing by loving and respecting each other. Hell, we learnt that when slavery was abolished, the world did not come to an end and, eventually, all, black or white, will be equal and never seen as otherwise. Women and men will be equal, as they should be, as Jesus treated them also. Jesus did not throw people out because of their colour or their gender or their sexuality and there is enough evidence throughout the New testament which says he was surrounded by all those differences and more. He showed us that we are to love each other, put aside our differences and just love each other and it is this love which bonds us, which makes the world the best possible place. Wars cannot happen when everyone loves each other, only hate causes such things.

I don’t know who can see my profile on here so I’ll come clean about me and my motivation. I don’t aim to change anyone, I am not preaching to you I am sharing with you my understanding of our good Lord and my life experience.

You do, I believe, have experience of a man who went away for another man. That would hurt anyone deeply. It would hurt had it been another woman, I am certain of it. I was brought up by parents here in England who did not follow Jesus, my father is an atheist. They loved me (mainly) but they didn’t truly understand the love Jesus taught us about. They loved people like them. In their case, white heterosexual people from a similar background. As is the case with so many, they feared anyone who didn’t fit that and they spoke down of them. Sure, there was a gay friend but, he was the ‘gay’ friend, he was never just ‘Allan’ he was always their ‘gay’ friend Allan. I don’t ever remember them having a straight friend anything. They never had a black friend, if they did they would have referred to them as their friend (insert name) who is black because they liked to prepare people for the difference.

I knew, as much as my young mind could know, that I was different. No part of me followed the same path of my male peers at school, I couldn’t relate to them well, I didn’t know how, I was always too sensitive I was told, it made no sense to me until I hit puberty. At that point I understood that I was attracted to those boys but, I knew for an absolute fact that I was not gay because I had seen gay people, you know, those stereotypical out there homosexuals who flaunt themselves, wear flamboyant clothing, dress as women maybe, are overly camp, you guys have seen ‘Jack’ from Will & Grace right? He was the model of homosexuality I was given, that wasn’t me. I was Steve, just Steve! I had zero point of reference to work out how I could be gay even though I knew I was attracted to other males, never girls, just the guys. My parents used jokes to describe gays, the guys at school beat up anyone they thought might be gay, there was so much hatred about it, it scared me. I convinced myself that if I met the right girl I would change, these evil thoughts would go away.

They didn’t Kim, they stayed. I shared these feelings with the girl who eventually became my wife, that was the only course of action open to me if I wanted a normal life and I did so much want to be accepted, for the homosexuality to go away. She understood you know, she was great about, we agreed we would work at it together.

Knowing I was gay in my heart I was amazed when I got into trouble one time with my two eldest kids. We’d walked too far, the boys were dehydrated and hungry, we’d got lost and I didn’t know which way to go, neither did my wife. I did what I knew I could do and I asked for help in prayer. I am telling you true here, within 10 minutes I was approached by someone who spoke no English (we were in Spain) and I spoke no Spanish but she knew that lady, she knew we were in need and she ushered us to her small car and drove us to town, she would take no reward in the only English she could say was ‘God bless you’. This is not good approving of my sexuality, it was me being shown love for being a person, my sexuality was known to God, he would know anyway but we had those conversations. There were other times when God showed himself to me, I have always trusted in our Lord to show me the way.

Eventually, my wife and me did decide to separate, we did it in a really nice way with love and respect and it took many years to do smoothly. We decided between us that I was the better parent for our now 4 children and I raised them on my own, they’re all good kids. Two have handicaps but are still great kids. I am now a grandparent of 4 and a very lucky man.

I prayed to Jesus, I said I was lonely. I loved all my kids and were eternally grateful for them but I was lonely. Within a year I was in a mutually loving relationship with a man from the other side of the planet, a deeply religious Catholic man and we are getting married here in the UK this March just sad that we cannot do it with both families involved, the Philippines is not as yet so loving toward same sex relationships as is the UK and most of your amazingly great United States of America which I have visited many times, I have family and friends there also.

Please, do not think I am wanting you to change because of what I write, that’s not my plan. Jesus will change your thinking if you open your heart.

My sexuality damaged no one, it still holds no threat to anyone or anything. My ex wife was not damaged, she went on to marry again, have a further two lovely children. There are so many lives I have touched for the better over the years, I know I have been a good person. Pray for me, not to change my sexuality but just to show our Father you have the love he gifted you. You might still choose to believe that homosexuality is an abomination, that’s you’re God given right to believe that as it is mine to say, I love and forgive you for it.